Wow! 3rd Date

It’s my first date with JDate and I’ve run my choices by my married friends. We’ve gotten a collective nod for several men, and one of them has written me back. I’m fairly excited as he’s nice looking (at least the picture he has posted is, you never know if that really is him!) and he lives local. We exchange phone numbers, and he calls me immediately. So far so good! We talk and he seems like he hits my non-negotiable list. Sort of… He is single, divorced several years. He is only slightly bitter that he lost his house to his wife or something like that. He assures me he is straight (hey, you’ve got to at least ask!) and not only does he not live with his mother, both parents are deceased! Bingo! (You have to know, I have no desire to ever do in-laws, or sort of in-laws, again.) The job thing is dicey, he tells me he is between jobs, but it is a recession, so I’ll make an allowance there.

He suggests we meet and asks me where. Why don’t men grow some balls and take the bull by the horns! Make a decision for Christ sake! I refuse to name a place, and he tells me he will think about it and text me (how very modern!) He suggests the next day that we meet at the Hyatt in the atrium (sort of an outdoor area off the lobby that serves food.) I think, ok, classy but understated, I like.
The night comes for my date. I look at my cell, and the guy has left no less than three texts on my phone asking what I’m wearing so he’ll recognize me. Give me a break, he’s seen my picture on-line (yes, it looks like me and is fairly recent) and there are very few, if any people in the atrium. And who of us has not walked up to a perfect stranger and mistaken them for our long-lost friend, the child’s soccer coach, a movie star, the janitor? We’re all still alive. I ignored said texts and showed up in all of my glory.

He was sitting at a table by the fire place, fully set for dinner, complete with silver and crystal. He already had a glass of wine, and I figured he had been there for a while stealing himself for the date, but I was impressed. There was one other patron, a man, eating dinner nearby. My date did look like his picture, which was also impressive. I took a deep breath, walked over to the table and offered his name as a question.

Yes, this was the right table, right person. So far so good. We sat down, and this was when I noticed the Trader Joes eggplant dip on the table. I just thought it was charming, as he explained that when he had talked to me on the phone, I had been cooking something with eggplant and he took this to mean I must like eggplant, thus, he had brought the dip. Did I want some wine? Is the pope catholic? Instead of flagging down the scant one waiter that I had seen, he reached down by his foot to retrieve the already open bottle of wine and poured. I guess I must have been tired because I still wasn’t catching on. He told me that he was looking for someone with “the right energy.” I had no idea what he was talking about so I continued to listen.

He went on and on about what a bitch his ex was (haven’t we all been there?) and what a bitch his mother was, whom he had bought the family business from. Now, I am all for a deceased mother when it comes to the man I want to be with, but he was supposed to love her, and then she dies. This was starting to look ominous.
He then asked if I was hungry, which I wasn’t but then proceeded to take his divided Tupperware(wasn’t this handy?) out and explain what the various crackers and cheese were. HOLY SHIT! Did I want another glass of wine-did I know that it was just $7 a bottle? To hell with the glass, I’ll drink straight out of the bottle!
I ask what the family business was and he tells me that he is a Gemologist. Now I’m thinking diamonds, emeralds…hummmm. I ask how you become a gemologist and he quickly answers, you take a test. And then assures me that he had to take a 2 week course to pass. WOW. Here’s a man who takes his scholastic achievements seriously. Now he’s onto describing his horrible relationship with his two teenage daughters.

I try to deflect the conversation at this time to something more pleasant (like me jumping out the nearest window) and begin to say how wonderful it is to go out with someone local. He now is off on a tangent about how he either lost his house to his bitch of an ex-wife, or something (I’m trying not to listen at this point) and he’s renting a room from some crazy lady who’s basically running a boarding house. Oh my G-d!

He then has the audacity to ask if I own my own home. And did he mention he is a great cook? Shit, he’s looking for room and, well you know.
At this point I realize this man is looking for someone with the “right energy”, being he has none of his own. Incredible! I have just spent one hour with and unemployed, basically homeless man, who has brought his own wine and food into a restaurant. I make some lame excuse to get out of there, look around quickly to make sure I don’t know anyone near me, and run out to my car. When I get there I am laughing like a hyena because that was the most surreal 60 minutes I have spent in a while.

When he texts me in a few days to inquire if I would like to get together over the weekend (subtext; can I come over and do my laundry?) I answer back that I wish him luck, but I’m not the “one”.